Here are a few common questions and answers regarding polyamory and dating:
- 1 What’s the difference between poly dating and regular dating?
- 2 At what point do I share with someone that I am polyamorous?
- 3 How do I tell someone I am interested exploring a polyamorous relationship with them?
- 4 What happens if a person agrees to try polyamory and then finds out that they are not poly?
- 5 What’s the easiest way to find other poly people?
- 6 Why is meeting poly people so hard?
What’s the difference between poly dating and regular dating?
The only difference between polyamorous dating and regular dating is the conversations you might with the person you are dating. It’s important to be upfront and share your relationship orientation and what you are looking for.
The sooner the better. For example, if you are looking for people online, you may want to include your preference to polyamory in your profile. This gives people more information about who you are and what you’re looking for before any messages are exchanged. You may also want to include your poly status in the first message you send as well as the first meeting. I like to cover all bases so that everyone is clear from the beginning. This gives any potential partners the information they need to choose what’s best for them.
How do I tell someone I am interested exploring a polyamorous relationship with them?
The best way to share that you are interested in exploring polyamory with someone is to tell them using simple words and phrases.
Here are a few examples:
“I’m curious about you and I want to tell you that I am poly.”
“I’m interested in getting to know you better. And, before we go any further, it’s important that you know that I am polyamorous and seeking polyamorous relationships.”
“I feel drawn to you. What I have to tell you may be a deal-breaker, and it’s important that you know that I am looking for poly relationships only.”
Once the conversation has begun, consider asking some follow-up questions:
“Are you familiar with poly?”
“Do you have an experience in polyamorous relationships?”
“Do you think you might be interested in exploring polyamory?”
Providing information and asking follow-up questions gives both parties a chance to learn more about each other and see if there is interest in exploring polyamory together.
What happens if a person agrees to try polyamory and then finds out that they are not poly?
This is very common. Two people meet and decide to give polyamory a try and then something shifts. That shift usually involves one person getting spooked about something and feeling overwhelmed with their capacity to move forward. This is natural. What I encourage people to do is to have conversations, check in with what’s going on and what’s needed. Communication increases understanding and clarity on how to proceed either together or separately.
What’s the easiest way to find other poly people?
There are many ways to meet people interested in polyamory. Online, meet-up groups, social gatherings, craigslist are a few. I encourage people to engage in activities they enjoy. If you meet someone, you might be surprised by how many things you have in common!
Why is meeting poly people so hard?
Poly dating doesn’t have to be hard. Sure, it can get complicated at times. There’s never a guarantee that a person you are interested in will be interested in polyamory. Polyamory is relatively new. It’s important to keep an open mind. Take the time to check in with yourself and with others. Above all, be true to yourself and support others in doing the same.