How To Avoid Drama In Polyamorous Relationships

As much as we all would love to avoid drama in our lives, it’s everywhere.

Where there is an action, there is generally a reaction waiting to happen.

Now add a relationship into the mix.  Then add another.  More relationships, more people, more personalities, more opportunities for drama.

There are many ways to deal with drama.  The top three ways of dealing with drama are fight, flight, or freeze.


You and your partner are having a disagreement about something.  You’re both very set in your viewpoints and are unwilling to come to an agreement.  The conflict continues to escalate until both of you are screaming at the top of your lungs.


You and your partner are struggling with a situation.  Neither one of you likes conflict, so you choose to physically remove yourself from the situation to keep the peace.


Your partner shares with you something that you did not want to hear.   You are overtaken by your emotional response and don’t know how to move forward.  It’s as if you are frozen and don’t know what to do.  A part of you shuts down and is unwilling to address what’s going on.

There’s another way

The following video offers a new way to deal with drama.  It’s called the “pause button.”  Watch the video and read the transcript that follows.  If you have any questions, please contact me.


Hi there. My name is Laurie Ellington,  That’s  I work with individuals and couples in all kinds of relationships.  I specialize in open relationships, non-monogamy, and polyamorous relationships. The core of my coaching is to help people get present with what’s going on in the moment and help them find ways of communicating that. I teach skills including communication skills and authentic relating skills. These skills bring people in touch with what it is that they need and how to express that in a clear way.  I do this in a way that helps my clients create a healthy connection with other people. This helps them create and cultivate healthy relationships.

Another thing I do is I help people learn how to press the “pause button.”  This is something new that I have been trying. Well, it’s not something that’s new for me. I’ve been doing it since I started my coaching practice. But, I’ve found that lots of times when we are triggered, and it can be in any kind of situation; but, usually it’s a triggering situation, we start to spin.  We start to rev up.  We start talking fast.  We start leaving our body looking for something to cling onto. In these moments, what we really need to do is we need to stop. We need to pause. We need to check in on what’s going on inside of ourselves and breathe.  And when we do that, when we stop,  pause, and take a deep breath, we are more able to identify what the feeling is and what the need is underneath that feeling. And then, we’re able to find ways, find words, to best express that in a way that creates a healthy connection. In a way that will probably get that need met. And if it’s not something that you get met by the person that’s sitting across from you at that moment, maybe it’s something that you will know or you will discover that you can get met in in another way. 

So again, the core of my work is pausing, checking in with what’s going on in the moment, taking a deep breath, finding ways to communicate what we need, and doing so in a way that creates a connection. Again, my name is Laurie Ellington, That’s I work with individuals and couples in all kinds of relationships.  I specialize in open relationships, non-monogamy, and polyamorous relationships. If you contact me, I will offer you a consultation. I call it a Poly-Coach Exploratory Session.  Just send me an email at “”  Take care.

To learn more about my coaching technique and to see if working together is the best fit for you, contact me and schedule a Poly-Coach Session today!

About the Author

Laurie Ellington

I teach people how to break through false beliefs and negative behavior patterns. I offer my clients tools that empower their life and their relationships.