Here is a quick Poly-Coach tip for anyone who is curious about how they can shift a negative experience into a positive one quickly and powerfully.
When we are taught at a young age that is not okay to have feelings, we tend to avoid conflict when we are older.
When we avoid conflict out of fear of what others think or how they may react, we lose touch with parts of ourselves that are hungry to be seen, heard, healed and loved.
This happens for everyone in any kind of relationship (singles, monogamous, polyamorous, or anything in between).
It’s important to look at the whole picture, to make room for each and every part of ourselves.
This does not mean to act out from those parts in unhealthy ways.
Rather than acting out, we can get curious and dig a little deeper.
By digging deeper, we create an opportunity to ask ourselves what we need when we are triggered: “What do I need right now to feel safe in this moment?”
We need to begin to ask ourselves this simple question and we need to share that with others in a healthy way: “I’m aware that I feel triggered right now. I think I’m scared about something. I’m not sure exactly why but I’m guessing it’s coming up for a reason. Would you be willing to hold me (hold space for me) while I explore this?”
- Getting in touch with what is underneath our triggers.
- Sharing our experience with others.
- Asking for support in the form of a request.
All of these are key steps in liberating ourselves from past wounds and traumas and creating space for new experiences to happen.
This process creates more joy, intimacy, and connection in our lives and in our relationships.
Give it a try and see what happens.