It’s common for people to enter into the world of polyamory after they have cheated on their partner. I do not recommend this. I get that some people struggle with monogamy. That’s okay. What’s not okay is how they deal with their struggle. Let’s be clear – there’s a healthy way to address concerns with monogamy.
To learn more, watch the video entitled, “Polyamory & Infidelity.” I have included the transcript below the video.
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Hi, there. My name is Laurie Ellington, poly-coach.com, that’s poly-coach.com. Today I wanted to talk to you about infidelity and polyamory. In short, polyamory is not a solution to infidelity. Many people think that if they’re unhappy in their relationship and they go outside of their relationship and sleep with someone else, or develop another relationship with someone else, or have an affair with someone else without telling their primary partner, that if they come clean and say, “Oh, I’m poly. This is okay,” that everything is going to be okay. It doesn’t work like that.
If you’re interested in polyamory, if you’re interested in opening your relationship, the best thing to do is to talk about it with your partner before you act on it. If you are feeling this burning desire to increase intimacy in your life and you think that you need to do that with other people, fantastic. There’s a healthy way to do it and there’s an unhealthy way to do it.
The unhealthy way to do it is to cheat on your partner and then come back a month, a week, or years later and say, “Oh yes, I’ve heard about this thing called polyamory and I’m poly. And I think it’s okay, and you should be poly too. And this is what it’s going to look like.” Knowing that you have a secret agenda that you have a lover and you want your lover to now be incorporated into your life. It doesn’t work that way.
The best way to move forward in a healthy and sustainable way if you’re interested in opening your marriage, or opening your relationship, or practicing polyamory, is to talk about it before you act on it. Go to your partner and say, “Look, I have some desires that are not getting met and I have an idea of how they can be met. And I love you, and I care about you, and I want to find a way to do this together, and I don’t know what that looks like.” Start there.
And if you need help with those conversations, because they can be really edgy, call me. There’s a contact form, there’s a Calendly link, feel free to send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. All of my contact information is on the site. There’s a ton of information here as well. You’ve landed on the polyamory help page because I’m here to offer polyamory help to people.
Again, my name is Laurie Ellington, poly-coach.com. I work with individuals and couples in all kinds of relationships. I focus on open relationships and polyamory and ethical non-monogamy because I have experience in a lifestyle, I’ve learned some valuable tools, and I’d love to share them with other people. Again, Laurie Ellington, poly-coach.com. Thanks so much.