People often come to me and ask me about to share some success stories I have had as a polyamorous relationship coach. Here are a few that come to mind:
I worked with a couple for many months who were struggling with what to do with their marriage. She was more aligned with monogamy and he was more drawn to polyamory. Through a number of discussions and heartfelt poly-coach sessions, both parties were able to see and hear the other in a new light. They were able to understand each other and themselves more and they were able to support each other in their desires in a way where they felt more connection and less conflict in their relationship. They came to a place where they could accept their differences without feeling a need to change the other. They recognized that their differences could co-exist without being in conflict with each other. From that point, they were able to move on because they now understood each other. And with that understanding, they were able to support each other in ways they had not previously thought possible.
A woman came to me who said she started a relationship with someone who had previous experience with polyamory and polyamorous relationships. This was her first polyamorous relationship and she was feeling both excited and nervous. She felt uncertain what this relationship might mean for her and her new partner. During our poly-coach sessions, I learned she was struggling with relationship programming from earlier in her life. Conceptually she was drawn to polyamory but emotionally she felt young and inexperienced. She found herself shutting down this emotional side of herself in order to avoid appearing needy to her partner. Working with her partner, it became clear that he was afraid to share some things with her because he did not want to overwhelm her with his experience with polyamory. When they realized that they were both doing a disservice to their connection and to their relationship by withholding information, they changed course and made a commitment to work on their communication skills. They are now experiencing more intimacy and depth in their relationship and they feel more confident as they continue on their polyamorous relationship path.
A couple came to me sharing their discomfort in dealing with feelings of jealousy when their partner went out with someone else. The pattern in their relationship was to act out their emotions in hurtful ways rather than talk about how they were feeling and what they needed. In our poly-coach sessions, we were able to identify the pattern and trace it to the trigger. We were then able to look at the emotion and see that it really had more to do with past circumstances (from childhood) and less to do with what was happening in the moment. From there, we were able to look at the underlying needs and how to get those needs met. As the couple became more comfortable recognizing their feelings, identifying their needs and asking for support, they felt more ease in themselves and in their relationship.