Show Notes
In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington sits down with renowned relationship researcher Alison Armstrong for a powerful conversation about understanding differences between men and women and relating with clarity instead of conflict.
Alison shares insights from over three decades of research, including her groundbreaking concept that men live with an “ever presence of death” while women live with an “ever presence of life.” Together, they explore how these differences shape communication, intimacy, safety, and partnership across monogamous, open, and polyamorous relationships.
This conversation offers practical tools for listening differently, verifying instead of assuming, honoring yourself first, and creating connection without punishment or self-abandonment.
Alison’s Gift for PTK Listeners
As a special gift for listeners, Alison is offering her Making Sense of Men eBook for free.
Making Sense of Men eBook (free with promo code)
https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/products/makingsense.html
Select “FOR ME” at checkout and use promo code AlisonGift2025
(Promo code expires 6/30/2026)
Episode Highlights
- The “ever presence of death” in men and how it shapes behavior
- Women’s connection to life, safety, and the eternal
- Why honoring yourself first is essential in relationships
- How assumptions create conflict and verification creates understanding
- Listening with different questions to transform connection
- Why Alison stopped coaching couples
- Understanding differences without making anyone wrong
- How curiosity replaces punishment in healthy partnerships
About Alison Armstrong
Alison Armstrong is a relationship researcher, author, and educator who has spent over 30 years studying human behavior to understand what brings out the best in men and women. Her work illuminates instinctive patterns that often undermine love and connection and offers practical, partnership-based alternatives.
Through her books, seminars, live events, and extensive online programs, Alison has helped millions of people create more fulfilling relationships, stronger families, and empowered lives. Her teachings are widely referenced by therapists, coaches, and educators around the world.
Links & Resources Mentioned
- Alison Armstrong: https://www.alisonarmstrong.com
- The Queen’s Code (audiobook):
https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/products/queenscodebook.html - Understanding Men program:
https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/curriculum/und/um_details.html - Understanding Women program:
https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/curriculum/und/uw_details.html - LUX program:
https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/lux/
Alison Armstrong Online:
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/PAXPrograms
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/UnderstandMen
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/TheAlisonArmstrong
Connect with Laurie Ellington
Website: poly-coach.com
Instagram: @polycoaching
Work with Laurie:
Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.
