Show Notes
In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington is joined by relationship coach, depth psychologist, and sex educator Dr. Joli Hamilton for an honest conversation about what it really takes to open a relationship without losing what you already have.
Joli challenges the common advice that couples need to be “solid” before opening up, offering a more realistic and compassionate framework focused on flexibility, nervous system capacity, and differentiation. Drawing from her own 17 years of lived non-monogamous experience, she shares why opening a relationship does not fix problems, it reveals them, and why education is often more helpful than therapy when navigating ethical non-monogamy.
Together, Laurie and Joli explore jealousy, autonomy versus security, person-inspired non-monogamy, grief, pacing, and why growth over comfort is often the real north star in conscious relationships.
Episode Highlights
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Why “being solid” isn’t the right metric before opening a relationship
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Flexibility and resilience as keys to sustainable non-monogamy
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The myth of opening a relationship to fix problems
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Nervous system capacity and relational pacing
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Autonomy vs. security in open relationships
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Person-inspired non-monogamy and why it’s especially challenging
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Education vs. therapy when learning non-monogamy
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Grief, growth, and reimagining relationship futures
About Dr. Joli Hamilton
Dr. Joli Hamilton is a relationship coach for people who color outside the lines and the founder of The Year of Opening. She is a depth psychologist, AASECT-certified sex educator, TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and co-host of the Playing With Fire podcast.
With nearly two decades of experience, Joli helps people design non-monogamous relationships that are custom-built for their authentic selves — without shrinking, hiding, or forcing themselves into outdated relationship models. Her work centers individuation, nervous system capacity, and expanding what people believe is possible in love and partnership.
Links & Resources Mentioned
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Open Easier (free salon on the Five Pillars): openeasier.com
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Website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/
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Joli’s jealousy resources and TEDx talk (via https://www.jolihamilton.com/ )
Connect with Laurie Ellington
Website: poly-coach.com
Instagram: @polycoaching
Work with Laurie:
Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.
