Show Notes
In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie Ellington sits down with sex educator, activist, and author Kitty Stryker for a powerful conversation about consent culture, accountability, and building collective care that is actually sustainable.
Kitty shares how her early activism shaped her worldview and how repeated burnout led her to rethink what community truly means. Together, Laurie and Kitty explore how consent culture extends far beyond sexual spaces into workplaces, organizing spaces, polyamory, and everyday power dynamics.
They discuss why saying no is an act of trust, how to hold conflict without collapsing into punishment or exile, and why accountability must include pathways for repair. Kitty also introduces the concept of scrupulosity, a compulsive drive to prove moral righteousness, and how recognizing it can reduce anxiety and create more grounded activism.
This episode invites listeners to reconsider individualism, redefine community as mutual investment, and build systems that honor capacity, consent, and shared responsibility.
Episode Highlights
- From childhood activism to consent culture work
- Burnout and choosing sustainable lanes of impact
- Consent culture beyond sex and kink
- Reframing no as an affirmation of autonomy
- Collective care as self-care
- Healthy conflict vs. conflict avoidance
- Accountability without exile or endless punishment
- Scrupulosity and anxiety-driven righteousness
- Redefining community as shared investment and mutual responsibility
About Kitty Stryker
Kitty Stryker has been working to define and build consent culture for over a decade. Based in Berkeley, CA, she focuses on bringing conversations about consent, critical thinking, disability justice, and sustainable activism into everyday life.
She is the author of Ask Yourself: The Consent Culture Workbook and Love Rebels: How I Learned to Burn It Down Without Burning Out, published by Thornapple Press. Kitty is an anarchist street medic, community organizer, and long-time advocate for trauma-aware accountability practices.
Links & Resources Mentioned
- Kitty on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kitty_stryker/
- Kitty Stryker on BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/kittystryker.bsky.social
- Love Rebels: How I Learned to Burn It Down Without Burning Out
Connect with Laurie Ellington
Website: poly-coach.com
Instagram: @polycoaching
Work with Laurie:
Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.
