Polyamory and Polyamorous Relationship Advice:  “Let’s Talk About Polyamory And Dating”

Laurie Ellington, Poly-Coach, Offers Open Relationship Coaching, Polyamory Advice, and Help for Polyamorous Relationships and Ethical Non-Monogamy.


Q:  What’s the difference between poly dating and regular dating?

A:  The only difference between polyamorous dating and regular dating is the conversations you might with the person you are dating.  It’s important that everyone know upfront what your relationship orientation or preference is.

Q:  At what point do I share with someone that I am polyamorous and am interested in poly relationships only.

A:  The sooner the better.  For example, if you are looking for people online, you may want to include your polyamorous relationship preference in your profile.  Including it in your profile, gives people more information about who you are and what you’re looking for before messages are exchanged.  You may also want to include your poly status in the first message you send as well as the first meeting.   I like to cover all bases so that everyone knows from the beginning.  This gives any potential partners the information they need to make a decision to choose what’s best for them.

Q:  How do I tell someone I am interested exploring a polyamorous relationship with them?

A:   The best way to share that you are polyamorous and interested in polyamorous relationships is to tell them using simple words and phrases.  Here are a few examples:

  • “I’m curious about you and I want to tell you that I am poly.” 
  • “I’m interested in getting to know you better.  And, before we go any further, it’s important that you know that I am polyamorous and seeking polyamorous relationships.”
  • “I feel drawn to you.  What I have to tell you may be a deal-breaker, and it’s important that you know that I am looking for poly relationships only.”

Once the conversation has begun, consider asking some follow-up questions:

  • “Are you familiar with poly?”
  • “Do you have an experience in polyamorous relationships?”
  • “Do you think you might be interested in exploring polyamory?”

Providing information and asking follow-up questions gives both parties a chance to learn more about each other and see if there is interest in exploring polyamory together.

Q:  What happens if a person agrees to try polyamory and then finds out that they are not poly?

A:  This is very common.  Two people meet and decide to give polyamory a try and then something shifts.  That shift usually involves one person getting spooked about something and feeling overwhelmed with their capacity to move forward.  This is natural.  What I encourage people to do is to have conversations, check in with what’s going on and what’s needed.   Conversations can bring understanding and clarity on how to proceed either together or separately.

Q:  What’s the easiest way to find other poly people?

A:  There are many ways to meet people interested in polyamory.  Online, meet-up groups, social gatherings, craigslist are a few.  I encourage people to do what they most like to do and if you meet someone in one of those activities that you are drawn to, then approach them and see where a conversation might go.  Meet people as people first and poly second will give you a chance to meet new people and create new connections before exploring any romantic interest.  If you meet someone you are drawn to, then have a conversation and see where it goes.  You might be surprised.

Q:  Why is meeting poly people so hard?

A:  Poly dating doesn’t have to be hard.  Sure, it can get complicated at times.  There’s never a guarantee that a person you are interested in will be interested in polyamory.  Polyamory is relatively new.  It’s important to keep an open mind, have conversations that interest you with people you are curious about and take the time to check in with yourself and with others.  Above all, be true to yourself and support others in doing the same.


Are you looking for open relationship coaching, polyamory advice, or polyamorous relationship help?

Please follow the links for information about open relationship coaching and polyamory coaching services.

To schedule a Free Exploratory Poly-Coach Session, contact Laurie Ellington, Poly-Coach, today.


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Laurie Ellington

Polyamorous Coach at Poly-Coach
I teach people how to break through false beliefs and negative behavior patterns. I offer my clients tools that empower their life and their relationships.
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