Quality vs. Quantity in Open Relationships and Polyamorous Lifestyles

I went on a date last night, a second date.  I had gone out with this person, and his partner a week prior, and we had a great time.  I had fun last night too.  What I was struck by was the question… Quality vs. Quantity in Open Relationships and Polyamorous Lifestyles?

So often I find my ego energy wanting to match up to others, who they are, what they are doing, how much “fun” their having, and with “whom”… Jeez!!!  It’s crazy making to spend much time there, and… I have to call myself out on this and say I have and do spend time in that space.  

Ahh… this human experience.

So last night, in my desire to pursue a potential polyamorous playmate, I questioned why I was with this person, what my intentions were, and how I wanted to proceed.  It wasn’t from a place of judgement, rather from a place of alignment of who I was, what I was feeling, and what seemed most aligned and most true for me in the moment.  It became clear to me that what I value most is quality of connection, communication, and shared presence.  If those elements are absent, then it’s in the best interest of myself and the person I am with to move on.

As I am becoming more and more aligned with my open relationship and polyamorous lifestyle, I see that for me it’s not about the numbers, it’s about the depth.  I think so often when people are considering open relationships and polyamory, they get fixated, excited (and sometimes scared) of the number of lovers/intimate relationships one can have.  It all becomes very real when we open ourselves to a new way of relating and being intimate with others.  And… I think it’s worth considering what works best for you, what is most aligned with you so that whatever you do, and with whomever you do it with, it is aligned with what feels right for you in the moment, and aligned with everyone’s best interest in mind.

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Laurie Ellington

Polyamorous Coach at Poly-Coach
I teach people how to break through false beliefs and negative behavior patterns. I offer my clients tools that empower their life and their relationships.
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