Polyamory and Polyamorous Relationship Coaching Tips: “What’s Your Love Language?”
Laurie Ellington, Poly-Coach, Offers Coaching Tips for Open Relationships, Polyamorous Relationships, Poly Dating, and Ethical Non-Monogamy.
It’s the day after Valentine’s and I find myself genuinely curious… How was it for you? Was it all that you wanted? Did you receive a special something from that special person? Did you not receive something, although you secretly wanted that to happen? Does it even matter to you?
I ask because I am drawn to what motivates people, their thoughts, beliefs, attachments and behavior around holidays such as Valentine’s Day. Some people get really excited about this holiday, some get stressed, some are resistant, others are neutral. Personally, I appreciate the sentiment that comes with Valentine’s Day, just as I appreciate the sentiment that comes with other holidays such as Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I do not appreciate the social pressure, the perceived expectations, and the marketing that comes with this holiday. I always have to remind myself that I am at choice as to what I do with this holiday, and how to share with others. Which brings up my next series of questions:
What do you do if you are a gift person, and you are in a relationship someone who is not a gift person, and vice versa? How do you genuinely express your love for someone who may have different values than you? How do you even know what is important to another person when it comes to gifts and giving, expressing love and affection?
I thought about this a lot this past week, and I was reminded of a great book that addresses this topic: The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.
In this book, Gary claims that there are five love languages, and that people tend to resonate more with one or two languages, rather than all five. When I learned this, and then applied it to my life and to my relationships, I began to see and understand more about who I was, what my love languages were, how I wanted to be communicated with, as well as how to communicate with those in my life, etc. It was amazing!
Here is a list of the five love languages (in no particular order) as well as a brief explanation of each one:
- Words of Affirmation… These people value being spoken to for praise and for love. Examples include: “I love you… I appreciate who you are and what you do for me and our family… You are incredibly important to me. I see you as a gift to my life and to our relationship.”
- Quality Time… These people appreciate doing things together. Examples include: going on trips, going to movies, going for a walk, reading a book, etc.
- Gifts… These people express their love and affection by giving something to others. Examples include: flowers, birthday presents, surprises and gifts both on holidays and other days as well.
- Acts of Service… This is where people give of themselves to others. Examples include: doing the laundry, taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, doing something for another person that they need help with, etc.
- Physical Touch… This group is for those who love and appreciate physical contact. Examples include: massages of all kinds, sensual touch, sexual play, etc.
If you haven’t read the book, I highly encourage you to check it out. It presents some interesting and valuable information that can be applied every day, not just during the holidays. Knowing your love languages and knowing those of your partner/partners, is incredibly helpful. You can us them as an opportunity to develop more intimate connections with yourself and with others. Try it and see for yourself. Need help? Call me 🙂
For more information about open relationship coaching and polyamory coaching services, and to schedule a Free Exploratory Poly-Coach Session, contact Laurie Ellington, Poly-Coach, today.
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